Waiting to tell her...

Well,
I am sitting here, drying off. The shower was helpful; I really needed it to clear my head. I'm thinking about hitting the Gate to get caffiene though; I need some of that. If I'm going to push off those cigarette, I should get something to compensate for it. So many drugs that people over look; caffiene, tabacco and all that other legal shit. We even jones for the drugs we have never had... like other people and their affection.

So I am waiting around to tell her that I know and that I wish her no ill will, just wish to no longer talk to her outside of Role Play. Le Sigh. This whole thing is making my heart race again; it raced last night. I could feel my adrenaline run like gasoline in my veins. I could have fought 20 guys and made it out in piece. I hit the thick wood in my desk and watched it move with little effort on my part. I could have let myself get swallowed in this anger and done horrible things; but I would have most likely have done them to myself.
The internet is for information.
I am ready for her to lash out at me in defense; completely natural in a situation where people get caught. I am ready for her to cry over me. I am ready for her to guilt trip me. I am ready for her to beg for me or just be entirely cruel. I am just ready.
I see how people still love after they have been treated horridly. I will still say I love her, but there are lines you just don't cross. There are things you just don't do. Am I totally innocent? Only because I have lacked the opportunity, I don't know what I would do if I had it. But... that really doesn't matter. I will love some piece of her and feel bad for these events. But I would expect the same from her.
Still waiting... Le Sigh...
Went to the store... talke to Tanya... still waiting. I have ignored my friends, granted, it was just once. But I should have known better. No more dwelling on it. Let it be her game, not mine.

Maybe I should take up jogging now... workout again. Maybe get a real life. Go to the Duppies shows and dance with women again.
So... her man is online, but not her.
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